It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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