Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
is it fun? or sober?
Never joke about your clitoris.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
