When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
