Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
