I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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