i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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