he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
