That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
