so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
