Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she pinky promised me she was 18
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
