Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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