I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
