get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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