I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
