I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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