Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
