do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
