woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
