dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she pinky promised me she was 18
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
