i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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