dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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