I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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