The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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