I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
