At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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