I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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