You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
