don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
