I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
