He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ugly people sure do ruin things
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
