In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
