What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
