Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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