You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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