You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
