my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
