Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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