she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
