so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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