dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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