I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
