I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
