Too much gin, very little bucket
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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