So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
