Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
