he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
