Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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