he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
