the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
