I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
