did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
