Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
